Introduction

To help bring our text to life, I’d like to introduce you to a fictional case study named Joe. Joe is 30 years old. He’s married to Jill, and they have two young kids. Joe loves Jesus, and he is motivated to lead his family well and to make in impact in his church.

Joes also loves his job at the local plant. He works hard, and he wants to honor the Lord at work. But he’s also motivated to advance. His salary isn’t great, so Jill works parttime to make ends meet. And Joe misses a lot of church activities because of his wonky work schedule. But it’s the job that God has provided, and the potential is there for all those things to improve.

Unfortunately, his supervisor, Jezebel, is a thorn in his side. She is a lazy jerk, but she weaseled her way into a great job by playing company politics. She’s never liked Joe because she despises Christianity, and because his work ethic makes her look bad.

Therefore, she curses and tells foul stories just to bother Joe. He listens as she mocks him to her drinking buddies. He endures as Jezebel takes twisted pleasure in making his day miserable. But for 3 years Joe has held his tongue, put his head down, and worked hard. However, Jezebel’s annual reviews are still picky, harsh, and borderline false. They make it nearly impossible for him to advance.

Ryan, Joe’s unsaved coworker, is furious for him. Ryan urges Joe to refuse her silly requests, to send a harsh review to her superiors, and to call out her evil behavior. Joe would love to, but he wants to honor the Lord. What should he do?

Thankfully, God has not left him or you without guidance (read). Like Joe, you will suffer mistreatment. How should you respond? God gives his fundamental answer in v. 21, “Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” Paul makes this point with a series of practical instructions. First, God challenges you…

I. Maintain your integrity (vv. 17, 21).

That’s hard when you are in Joe’s position. When someone is acting like a moron, you want to respond in kind. Joe fights the temptation to slander Jezebel. Or if she’s not going to help him get a promotion, then why should he keep working hard and making her department look good?

Most people would give her what she deserves. But Joe understands, and so must you, that Christians are not most people. Romans 6:4 says you have been raised with Christ to walk “in newness of life.” Christian, you are not the same person anymore. “Our old self was crucified with Him…so that we would no longer be slaves to sin” (Rom 6:6).

So, don’t let the world dictate how you respond to mistreatment. Instead, follow Christ, believe that in his strength you can be different, and maintain your integrity. How do you do that? First…

Do not retaliate (vv. 17a, 21a). Joe has a mile of excuses. Jezebel is behaving horribly. Her reviews don’t just hurt Joe; they hurt his family and his involvement at church. Surely, God would understand if he let a few malicious words slip out. And how could God expect Joe to make Jezebel look good by continuing to work hard?

But God says, “Never pay back evil for evil.” Someone else’s sin never excuses yours. You are never free to sink to the level of disobeying God’s Word simply because someone sins against you.

Sure, Jezebel’s evil feels like an overwhelming flood. We’ve all been there. An unsaved sibling won’t stop ribbing you. Your spouse is perpetually inconsiderate and ungrateful. It’s a hot, stressful day at work, and one of your coworkers is sitting around complaining while you do all the work. It’s maddening!

But v. 21 commands you, “Do not be overcome by evil.” The literal idea is, “Do not let evil get the victory.” Do not let sinners drag you into their muck. Do not retaliate. Maintain your integrity.

That’s not to say you never confront sin, stand up for yourself, or put a sinner in his place. But knowing how and when takes discernment. I love how Proverbs 26:4–5 describe the tension, “Do not answer a fool according to his folly, or you will also be like him. Answer a fool as his folly deserves, that he not be wise in his own eyes.”

Verse 4 sounds like our text. Don’t let the fool drag you into his foolishness. “Do not be overcome by evil.” But v. 5 immediately adds that there is a time to put the fool in his place and to correct his inflated self-perception.

How do you tell when to bite your lip and when to let him have it? Proverbs answers that you must consider the consequence of your actions. If you are going to rebuke him, be sure that you are doing so to lovingly correct his arrogance. But never sink to his level and be overcome by evil.

So, never retaliate to mistreatment with sinful behavior. Bite your lip. Continue to love. Speak the truth. “Christ…(left) you an example for you to follow in His steps,whocommitted no sin, nor was any deceit found in His mouth; and while being reviled, He did not revile in return; while suffering, He uttered no threats, but kept entrusting Himself to Him who judges righteously” (1 Pet 2:21–23). Respond like Jesus. Do not retaliate. Do not be overcome by evil. This demands that you…

Discipline your responses (v. 17b). The idea behind “respect” is to “take thought.” In other words, Joe can’t respond impulsively to Jezebel. He must slow down and discern what would honor the Lord.

And Paul especially urges Joe to consider his testimony with his coworkers. He must “respect…” Joe’s coworkers are lazy liars, but they know laziness and lying are wrong. They hold Joe to a higher standard. They will never admit it, but they respect Joe’s testimony, and Joe would tarnish his testimony if he responded like Jezebel.

Is that fair? No. Is it hypocritical? Absolutely. Is it hard? Yes. But who cares? You get to display Jesus to the world! So, follow in his steps, not those of ungodly men. Then discipline yourself to maintain your honor. Do what is “right in the sight of all men.” Show the world the grace of God and beauty of Jesus by responding to mistreatment just as he did. As you do, you will…

Win the victory (v. 21b). This command moves from defense to offense. When people mistreat you, your first goal is defensive—don’t be overcome by evil. Don’t sink to their level. But don’t be content with just maintaining your integrity. By God’s grace, “overcome evil with good.” Go on the offensive, hoping to use your good behavior to change the situation.

For example, my first year in college, I had a roommate who started the year as a jerk. He wanted me to know that he was the upperclassmen, and I was the freshmen. Among other things, he didn’t like some of my music. So, if I had that music on when he came back to the room, I had two options. I could turn it up, or I could turn it off. Thankfully, I chose to turn it off.

After doing that several times, I’ll never forget the time I got up to shut off my music, and he said, “You don’t need to do that. Leave it on.” Before long, we were good friends, and we had a wonderful spirit in our room all year.

I overcame evil with good. It’s so simple, but it is not easy. Jezebel frustrates Joe so deeply. Every day, she hurts him and his family. He wants to be a jerk or at least to stay as far away as possible. He doesn’t want to do good to her. But he does. He chooses to give her a warm greeting every morning. He writes a kind Christmas note with an invitation to church. He works hard no matter how she responds.

Does that guarantee that she will change? No. It might just make her angrier. But Joe is impacting Ryan and the other guys on the team. They are amazed at Joe’s responses. They see the grace of God at work in his life.

Be like Joe. Some of you have Jezebels in your life. It might be a supervisor, a coworker, a parent, a sibling, or even a spouse. It’s exhausting, hurtful, and frustrating. But do not be overcome by evil. Do not let bitterness take root in your heart. Do not let that person drag you into envy, strife, or childish turf wars.

Instead, overcome evil with good. Do the right thing over and over. Maybe you need to plan a special act of unexpected kindness. I know it’s hard. I know that no one else does those things. But we are not everyone else. We are new creatures in Christ. In Christ’s strength, you can overcome evil with good. Maintain your integrity. The 2^nd major challenge is…

II.  Pursue peace (v. 18).

This is another challenge that sounds like the Sermon on the Mount. Jesus said, “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God” (Matt 5:9). Then he added, “If you are presenting your offering at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you,leave your offering there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and present your offering” (Matt 5:23–24).

Both Jesus and Paul command us to aggressively pursue genuine peace. I love how Ken Sande distinguishes a peace faker and a peace maker. Maybe you are a peace faker. Someone has hurt you, and your heart is full of anger and bitterness. Or maybe you hurt them, but you are too proud to admit it. Maybe you refuse to own your part until he owns his.

So, rather than making peace, you fake it. You are nice, but you keep your distance. Maybe you hide deep hurt behind a show of kindness. It’s easier that way. You don’t have to face your emotions, make yourself vulnerable, or deal with the potential fallout of picking at the scab.

But Jesus does not accept a peace faker. He says that if you refuse to make your sins right, you are unqualified for worship. You must address them before proceeding with worship. Getting practical, you should have refrained from taking communion earlier this morning. So, be honest and be humble. I know it’s hard but put on your big boy pants and confess your sins.

Or maybe someone has sinned against you, and you are withholding forgiveness. You don’t want to let go of your anger. Maybe you refuse to admit your own bitterness. Maybe someone hurt you so badly that it could be classified as trauma. You were abused, betrayed, or injured. For years, you’ve tried to press it down because you are afraid of truly facing it. But it keeps bubbling to the surface.

But God commands you to pursue peace “with all men.” He doesn’t give any exception or set any limits. I understand that your hurt may be deep. Get help facing it. You have brothers and sisters in the church that want to help you heal biblically. And God’s grace is sufficient. He can help you forgive. He can help you reconcile. So, choose forgiveness. Pursue peace.

Of course, Paul notes that genuine reconciliation is not always possible. Sometimes, you try and try but the other person refuses to budge. Sometimes, people demand that you compromise biblical convictions for the relationship to be restored. You can’t do that.

Unfortunately, some of you are there. You’ve tried, but the other person won’t budge. You miss the relationship, and it hurts. Know that God sees, and he cares. He is enough. And your church family that wants to fill the gap as much as possible. Trust the Lord. Keep praying. Keep the door open. You never know what God may do. And lean on your spiritual family.

This verse is so basic, but it is not normal. Our culture loves to talk about toxic people, and it urges you to cut them out of your life. Yes, some relationships are destructive. You should pursue people who edify.

But guarding your emotional safety is not a high biblical priority. Biblical love pursues people with a servant’s heart, and it trusts that God’s grace is enough to do hard things. So, do the hard thing.

Maybe you have an awkward relationship with someone in the church because of a past hurt. Have you done everything in your power to pursue peace? If not, repent, and “so far as it depends on you, be at peace.” Pursue that person with grace and love. Listen, and be willing to own your mistake.

Maybe someone hurt you, and you just can’t get past it. Go to them. It grieves my soul when somehow, I’ve offended someone, and they back away without telling me what I did. Usually, I have no clue. I’d be happy to make it right if you just asked. You’ve felt the same way. Don’t harbor hurt. Love people and value relationships enough to courageously seek reconciliation.

Do the same with your estranged sibling, parent, or coworker. I know this is hard stuff. But people matter. And you can do this by the grace of God. Pursue peace. The third major challenge is…

III.  Replace revenge with generosity (vv. 19–20).

Paul begins with a blunt, all-encompassing prohibition. “Never pay back evil for evil to anyone.” God forbids you from ever seeking revenge. It is never right for a Christian to “get his pound of flesh,” to seek someone’s harm, or to hurt someone out of anger, bitterness or hurt.

It’s important to distinguish discipline from revenge. When I discipline my children, that is not vengeance. First, I am a God-ordained authority in their lives. God has given me the right and the obligation to correct them. Second, I am loving them by helping them grow into best versions of themselves.

But if you remove either authority or love, discipline becomes vengeance, and it is always sinful. So, ladies, you are never right to do harm to your husband, unless you are acting in self-defense. You don’t have the authority to discipline him. Yes, you should lovingly confront his faults. Help him be the best version of himself. But it is not your job to discipline him.

Instead, God said, “Be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives,as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior” (1 Pet 3:1–2).

Kids, the same goes for your siblings. You do not have the authority to do them harm, and I’m almost certain that any harm you would do doesn’t come from love but anger. So, do not get revenge. On it goes. God forbids Joe from getting revenge against Jezebel. He forbids you from getting revenge against a neighbor, a family member, or a coworker. God couldn’t be clearer. “Never pay back evil for evil to anyone.”

You might reply, “But didn’t God say, ‘An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth’?” He did. But he only gives the authority to enact that principle to the authorities that he has ordained, in particular the government. Jesus was very clear that it’s not your job to enact that principle when he said, “You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth.’But I say to you, do not resist an evil person; but whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also” (Matt 5:38–39).

So, don’t seek revenge. And don’t try to weasel your way around this. Every parent has watched a child find creative ways to vent anger by frustrating and bothering a sibling. It’s obvious and childish. But adults do it to. You’re mad at your wife, so you bang around in the garage to ruin her evening. Or ladies, you create misery with the silent treatment. Neither is pursuing peace or loving correction. It’s childish revenge. God says it is wrong.

It would be sinful revenge for Joe to stop working hard, or for you not to answer your bosses call because he was a jerk that day. None of this is complicated. God says that vengeance is always wrong. But how can God make this demand of you when people are doing you genuine harm? Notice…

The Foundation of the Command (v. 19b): God is clear that he is not telling us to be apathetic toward sin or to despise justice. Instead, the Bible consistently teaches that we should despise sin and pray for justice.

We just have to remember that it’s not my job to bring justice to everyone. It’s God’s job. And praise the Lord that he promises full justice. He says, “I will repay.” I know that some of you have endured terrible sins. Someone has abused you, betrayed you, or cheated you in terrible ways. No one else may see or care, but God does. He is angry with the wicked every day. Someday, he will execute perfect justice against that evil person unless he is saved.

Considering this fact, God commands you, “Leave room for the wrath of God.” I tell my kids often, “Let Dad handle it,” and he is telling you the same. Trust the Lord. Then do not be overcome by evil and become full of bitterness and anger. Don’t worry about getting your pound of flesh or fixing every sin.

Leave it with God! You have enough to worry about without trying to be the justice department. Trust God to do what is right. Let go of your bitterness. Forgive. Choose mercy. As you do, you will be able to obey…

The Admonition (v. 20): Since God has justice taken care of, you can focus on kindness and grace. Why? Kindness honors the Lord, it displays gospel grace, and it heals your soul. The best way for Joe to resist bitterness against Jezebel is to pray for her salvation and to do genuine acts of kindness. He is forcefully turning his heart toward grace.

You must do the same. Who are the people you despise the most? Someone has hurt you deeply. Maybe there is a politician or a public figure that you despise. Maybe someone in the church or in your family just bothers you, and you always seem to be odds. God is not commanding you to dismiss his or her evil, just to leave it with God. Then seek their good. Pray for their salvation. Give a warm compliment. Do something kind.

Your flesh might really resist, but I promise that it will do your soul far more good than meditating on your hurt. Forgiveness brings great relief.

And God may use your kindness to transform that person. That’s the idea behind “heaping burning coals on his head.” It would betray the spirit of the text for that to mean that you are kind to bring misery. Instead, your kindness will bring conviction. And who knows? That conviction may lead to repentance and glorious transformation. Never doubt God’s ability to change a heart.

Conclusion

Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. God’s Spirit is pressing you to take some really hard steps. Don’t resist him. Believe that through Christ, you can walk in newness of life. You don’t have to be overcome by evil. You can forgive like Jesus. You can overcome evil with good.

Maybe your head is spinning because you’ve never experienced this grace in Christ. You need to ask God to forgive all your sins. You need to be saved. Jesus is willing to forgive. Come to him. Find rest for your soul. We’d love to share how you can know his forgiveness.