Patient When Wronged

Introduction

Life with sinners is messy. We all wish for perfect peace and deep connection with everyone, but that’s not happening until glory. Until then people will disappoint, and they will hurt you. You know that. You’ve had conflicts with family. Sometimes even your best friends frustrate you. Yes, even Christian friendships can get messy. We’re all still sinners with blind spots, and sometimes even godly people struggle. 
And people are complicated. One day your sister shines with the love of Jesus and godly spiritual fruit. The next, she is a gloomy grouch. How do you think about her, and how do you respond? Do I confront, do I overlook, do I give it time, or do I not?
These are hard questions that I face constantly as a pastor. What issues do I overlook, and what issues do I confront? Is this foolishness or rebellion? Should I confront bluntly or gently? And when people don’t respond well, do I wait for God or rachet up the pressure? It’s complicated! Which also means we don’t always agree on the appropriate response. So, tensions can grow not just with the person in sin but among the people trying to help. It can get messy. Trust me!
But we can’t quit when people’s souls are at stake. People matter! And you may be really angry at Cousin Fred, but he is your cousin. We must fight for people’s souls, and we must to do so biblically. So, we desperately need the wise counsel of today’s text. It will serve your home and your friendships well, and it’s going to make us a better church (read). This passage is rich with theology and practical wisdom. It teaches that God can use you to save a brother. So, the fundamental challenge is, patiently fight for people’s souls believing God can work. It gets there by first addressing the character of God’s servant and then by addressing the hope of God’s servant. First, consider…

i.  The Character of God’s Servant (vv. 24–25a)

The Lord’s Servant: Paul has been directly addressing Timothy. But now he zooms out and addresses “The Lord’s bond-servant.” We know he’s primarily thinking of pastors because the 3rd requirement is “able to teach.” 1 Timothy 3:2 uses the same verb as a qualification for pastors. We are the only people whom God requires to be able to teach.
So, this passage is primarily about pastoral ministry. How do we handle false teachers? How do we confront sin? How do we practice church discipline? But that doesn’t mean you can fall asleep. We are all stewards of each other’s souls. You are responsible to correct the deceived and confront the sinner. This passage will equip you to do that.  
And you must listen because we are all “the Lord’s bond-servants.” Jesus is the Chief Shepherd. I’m accountable to him. So are you. That’s important because sometimes, you want vengeance. Or you are tired, and you don’t want to care. 
But all the sheep belong to Jesus. He died for them, and he loves them. So, what I want doesn’t matter. God’s will matters more than your anger, your apathy, or whatever else clouds your response. So, embrace the 5 qualities the Lord demands of his bondservants. 
Not Quarrelsome: Remember what Paul just said about the false teachers (v. 23). The Ephesian church was plagued by false teachers who thrived on controversy. And that impulse persists. Social media companies know you are more likely to engage something that makes you angry than something that makes you happy. So, your algorithm pushes things into your feed that they hope will make you angry and drive you into the mire. 
And that culture can carry over to the church. Last year, I read a helpful article by Samuel James where he warned that we live in a culture that celebrates turning controversy into a spectacle. So, many Christian influencers, podcasters, and bloggers have built their platform on controversy and anger. Then regular Christians imitate their heroes. They stir up fights and fancy themselves as prophets. 
But God says a quarrelsome pastor is disqualified from ministry. And you should love unity not controversy. So, I know it’s tempting to get nasty with nasty people. But heed the counsel of Proverbs 26:4, “Do not answer a fool according to his folly, or you will also be like him.” When someone is a jerk, don’t you respond by becoming a jerk yourself. When someone starts a petty fight, don’t become a petty person.
I’ve had many people say harsh and nasty things to my face or behind my back. But I don’t have to become like them, and neither do you. Let them bark. Don’t let a foolish family member, coworker, or classmate drag you into their nonsense. You continue to display the fruit of the Spirit no matter what. Don’t be quarrelsome. The 2nd requirement is…
Be Kind to All: Notice the contrast. Do not be quarrelsome; instead, be kind to all. That sounds great, but it’s not easy when someone deeply hurts you. You want to give it right back or simply ignore them. But Jesus prayed that the Father would forgive the people who crucified him, and 1 Peter 2 commands you to follow in his steps. You can by the grace of God.
And v. 25 says God can bring anyone to repentance even the person who has wounded you deeply and seems so far gone. And God can use you to restore them. So don’t sacrifice that opportunity by being cruel and vindicative. Be kind and keep the door open. 
This doesn’t mean you never rebuke or that the church doesn’t discipline. 4:2 commands pastors to rebuke in their preaching, and Jesus told Peter, “Get behind me Satan.” But Jesus spoke those words with love and kindness for Peter. And even when his worst enemies reviled him on the cross, he remained silent and forgiving.
Don’t join the fool in his folly. People will hurt you and betray you. But you be kind to all. You never know what God may do. The 3rd requirement is…
Able to Teach: Remember that Paul’s immediate concern is the Ephesian heresy. Timothy was fundamentally engaged in a battle of ideas. But how do many politicians and Americans fight a battle of ideas? Yell louder. If the opponent asks a good question, yell even louder or make a personal attack. Their debate tactics are brute force, intimidation, and manipulation. 
But we want to win hearts, not just arguments. Verse 25 says our goal is repentance, not intimidation. And we have the tools to win hearts. The Bible is true and powerful, and our faith is reasonable. 
So, when a brother or sister is deceived or trapped in sin, don’t resort to yelling, guilt trips, and sob stories. Be kind to create a window to teach. Because your best hope for repentance is to get their eyes on the Word in hopes that the sword of the Spirit will cut through the deception and pierce the heart. 
Many of you are burdened for loved ones who are deceived. The sword of the Spirit is your greatest weapon. Learn how to wield the sword effectively for the purpose of repentance. Teach them the Word. 4th…
Patient When Wronged: The Greek word is anexíkakos. It’s a compound word that literally means “to endure evil” and without resentment. 
That’s huge because the people who need your ministry the most are probably the people who have hurt you the most. You can resent them, judge them harshly, and demand your pound of flesh, and they will never change, and bitterness will plague your heart. Or you can patiently endure. Love them rather than loving yourself. Sympathize with their burdens rather than obsessing over yours. 
That doesn’t mean you ignore sin, especially when there is a pattern. Love often means rebuking the sinner. There’s a time to stand up for yourself. But make sure your zeal for justice is weighed by zeal for a soul. Last Sunday evening we studied an imprecatory prayer. We saw that these prayers are not about bitter resentment. No, the psalmist acknowledges that justice is the Lord’s, he prays that God would execute justice, and he leaves it with the Lord. My responsibility is love.
“Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, ‘Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,’ says the Lord. ‘But if your enemy is hungry, feed him, and if he is thirsty, give him a drink; for in so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.’ Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good” (Rom 12:19–21). Leave your desire for justice with God. You focus on fostering repentance. This leads perfectly to the 5th quality…
Meek Instruction (v. 25a): I prefer the translation of meek vs gentle because meekness is strength under control. And Paul is not calling Timothy to be a push over; rather, he must “correct those who are in opposition.” We get our English word pedagogy from this verb. It includes both instruction and discipline. Both require strength, firm demands, and accountability. 
But again, the goal is not humiliation and vengeance; it is correction, repentance. Paul’s primary concern was people who had been influenced by false teachers but were not yet hardened in rebellion. They were wrestling with fundamental truth claims, big issues. 
Some parents get so flustered when their kids ask a hard question or make a strong statement. Or someone at church questions a doctrine, and we immediately write them off as a heretic. We must take those things seriously, but usually they don’t need you to hit them with WW III; start by opening a Bible and gently but firmly showing them the answer. If they don’t immediately repent, but they are willing to listen in good faith, stay calm, keep teaching, and give the Spirit time.
Of course, at some point, the temperature must rise. Correction must become church discipline. 1 Timothy 1:20 says that point had already come and gone with one of the false teachers—Hymenaeus. 
What’s tricky is knowing where that line is because we don’t always see it the same way. A few months ago, I was listening to a 9 Marks podcast where they brought up disagreements among pastors about when to discipline. One of the contributors caught my attention when he said the young guys are generally the ones pushing for quick discipline; whereas the older men are generally slower. That’s generally true. People and situations are often more complex than the young guy can see. There are exceptions, but generally as long as someone is listening, we should patiently instruct, and when he stops listening we move to discipline. 
This stuff is almost always complicated and messy. If you are wrestling through it with a family member, I’d love to talk with you and pray with you. If you are concerned for a church member, let’s talk and pray. 
I hope you will pray for Pastor Tim and I as we care for those who wander because these are the heaviest burdens shepherds carry. We love every member of Life Point, and we want all of them to walk with the Lord. We also have an obligation to the purity of our church. It’s hard! 
If you have a question, ask. Maybe you can help. Regardless hold your opinions humbly. It’s easy to stand on the sidelines with one-sided information, make assumptions, and criticize. It’s not easy to shepherd real people through complex situations and to make hard decisions.
The Lord’s bond-servant can’t be reactionary and immature. He must be wise, biblical, and brimming with love. You can do that. You may never be a great teacher, but God can use you to rescue a soul. By his grace, develop the character required of the Lord’s bondservant. Second, let’s consider…

ii.  The Hope of God’s Servant (vv. 25b–26)

Notice how human responsibility and divine sovereignty merge in this text. You are responsible to love, teach, persuade, and correct. But you can’t force someone to change. God alone grants repentance. 
That’s so important because I’ve seen well-meaning Christians enter a conversation with the mindset that I won’t quit until this person repents. They grow louder. Then they start to manipulate, and it goes on and on. They act like they are sovereign. 
But parents, you are not sovereign over your children. The same goes for everyone we love. So, make your best appeal from the deepest love. Then give the Spirit space to do what only he can do. But always believe that he can. Paul holds out two great hopes for those we love who stray. 1st…
God can convict (v. 25b). That is a wonderful statement of God’s sovereignty. It says that no sinner is beyond the reach of God’s grace. It doesn’t matter how stubborn, confused, or evil they may be. God can destroy every barrier to faith whenever he wants. If God could transform a man like Paul, he can transform anyone. 
Theologians call this efficacious grace. Jesus said, “All that the Father gives Me will come to Me, and the one who comes to Me I will certainly not cast out” (John 6:37). When the Spirit shatters the darkness of sin and deception, sinners run to Jesus eagerly.
And God can do that anytime. Some of you know this firsthand. There was a time you didn’t believe in God, or you wanted nothing to do with him. Maybe you were deceived by false doctrine. One day, God gave you repentance, and it changed everything. 
We all know someone who, humanly speaking, seems like an impossible case. Maybe it’s a child, an uncle, or a nasty boss. You can’t even imagine what it would mean for them to get saved. But God can do it. Don’t lose hope. There’s a time when you must severely curtail relationship with someone who is a threat to your spiritual health and the health of those you love, but if you can safely keep a window of influence open, do so because God is able.
Of course, “perhaps” is an important word in the verse. If the person is truly saved (which isn’t always clear to us), God has promised to bring them to repentance. There’s no perhaps about it. The angel drug Lot out of Sodom, and he will bring the Christian to repentance no matter how stubborn they may be. 
And God is free to save any sinner he wants. You don’t know who the elect are. Perhaps God will give repentance to the person you least expect. So, put that word “perhaps” to good use this week. Look at your boss and thing, “perhaps” and start a conversation. Maybe you have a wicked cousin that you haven’t talked to in years. Send him a text wondering if perhaps God might do something. Start a gospel conversation with your neighbor thinking perhaps God may do something. You never know, but you do know there is always hope in a sovereign God. The 2nd great hope is
People can escape the devil’s deception (v. 26). That is a sobering verse. The devil is real, and he is strong. In John 8:44 Jesus told an audience of proud Jews, “You are of your father the devil, and you want to do the desires of your father.”
The evidence is everywhere. Our world is filled with stunningly deceptive false religions. It like someone who really understands people designed a religion that seizes on the perfect thread of human weakness. It appears that way because it is so. Satan is the master deceiver. 
At other times, it is stunning that people believe obvious nonsense. I’ll never forget meeting a man who told me he was part of the HD ghost detectives. I was waiting for him to laugh, but he didn’t. He said it was all science, that they had scientific instruments for detecting ghosts. 
Why do people believe stuff like that? Tragically, people really believe they are a man stuck inside a woman’s body. Or more commonly, they believe they can earn enough righteousness to be acceptable to a Holy God. Most people are “held captive” in the “snare of the devil.” 
It reminds me of when we had a hypnotist come to our high school. I’ll never forget one of my classmates jumping on top of a guy and screaming because she really believed he was Brad Pitt. He wasn’t Brad Pitt, but she was hypnotized into believing it. Tragically, most of the people around us have been hypnotized by the snare of the devil. They believe nonsense. They are deceived by lies. 
But God can snap his fingers at any time and bring them to their senses. When I think of a snare, I think of a bear trap. God can tear that thing apart in a flash. 
I’m sure that when Timothy looked at Hymenaeus and Philetus, repentance seemed impossible. He probably felt overwhelmed at trying to help the people they had deceived. But Paul made sure he didn’t lose sight of what God could do. 
Ministry is built on hope in the power of God. When you lose hope, you build walls and you close up shop. Don’t go there. Believe in a big God who is on a mission to keep his people and save the lost. 1 Timothy 2:4 says “(He) desires all men to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth.” God is working. Maintain the hope of God’s servant.

Conclusion

There are people sitting very close to you that God has transformed in amazing ways. If you would have met them 20 years ago, you never would have imagined they’d be sitting here today. But they are because grace is strong. So, the theme of my message is, patiently fight for people’s souls believing God can work. Don’t be quarrelsome, be kind, convictional, persuasive, and patient, and never lose hope in what God can do.