Introduction

Since we finished up the 1^st return from captivity in Ezra 6 last week, it’s a good time to take a break from Ezra and revisit our 2022 theme, “Love One Another.” Remember that just a few hours before his crucifixion, Jesus told his disciples, “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another” (John 13:34–35).

Since Jesus is addressing his disciples, he is especially concerned with relationships in the church. So, this year we are focusing on how we as a church can manifest such outstanding love among us that we stand out to the world as disciples of Christ.

This morning, I want to get really practical about how we express love. I want to argue that biblical love does not always look the same. Instead, love must be tailored to the needs of the moment. My title is “The Many Faces of Love,” and my text is one simple verse, 1 Thessalonians 5:14.

You may recall that Paul was forced to leave Thessalonica after a short time because of persecution. He didn’t have much time to disciple these believers. So, vv. 12–22 sound like dad’s shotgun advice when you are heading out on your first road trip—“Don’t run out of gas, check the oil, don’t pick up strangers, don’t stay out to late.” On it goes.

And our text falls in a similar list of simple, practical challenges with broad application to many situations. Every time Dad says, “Don’t forget…” You respond, “I know, I know.” But we do forget, so Dad keeps saying it. Similarly, we need these reminders

In v. 14, Dad (i.e., Paul) uses four commands, “admonish,” “encourage,” “help,” and “be patient,” to remind us that love doesn’t always look the same. We must thoughtfully tailor love to the situation. We will spend most of our time discussing the specifics of these commands, but before we get there, we need to frame it all with a couple important points from the introduction to the verse.

I.  “We urge you, brethren”

These commands are for all Christians. I bring this up because we may want to believe v. 14 is only for pastors or super saints who are especially skilled counselors. You may not believe you could ever play a meaningful role in correcting or encouraging a struggling Christian. But notice that every command in vv. 12–22 is addressed to the entire church. We are all supposed to “rejoice,” “pray,” and “give thanks.” And v. 14 begins, “We urge you brethren (not pastors).” So, if you are saved, this verse is for you.

Yes, you may at times come across a need that you are not equipped to address, and you need to get help dealing with it. But ultimately “we are members one of another” (Rom 12:5). You are responsible for the spiritual care of the people around you.

These commands are urgent. It’s notable that of all the challenges Paul gives in vv. 12–22, vv. 12, 14 are the only ones that include a preface. Verse 12 begins with, “We request of you,” and v. 14 begins with the stronger version, “We urge you.” None of the other challenges include this kind of preface. This tells us that this is an especially urgent challenge.

This is because our brothers and sisters are engaged in a spiritual war against “the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places.” The enemy is strong, and the consequences are eternal. Souls are at stake.

So, these 4 commands matter for you. We should all be zealous to do a good job supporting each other as we struggle for godliness. And again, Paul will particularly emphasize the fact that caring well for each other demands tailoring our love to the need of the moment. With that said, let’s jump into the first command.

II.  Admonish the unruly.

Who are they? The Greek term translated “unruly” is ataktos. Taktos means orderly, and a as a prefix means no. Therefore, the term literally means “no order.” It was originally used of a soldier who is out of step and causes confusion and disarray for the entire army. And it slowly came to describe any disorderly conduct.

Now, you may be holding a translation that says “idle” or even “lazy.” The term doesn’t specifically mean idle, but many translators think that’s the idea because both 1 and 2 Thessalonians say that some in the church had stopped working and were living off the kindness of others. They think that Paul is specifically concerned about these people.

That may be true, but he uses the more general term because he is stating a broader principle. Anyone who is disorderly needs admonishment.

So, this command concerns anyone who is not walking in obedience to God’s will. They are out of step with his commands. And based on the contrast with the next two categories—“fainthearted” and “weak”—we must add that they are knowingly and willfully rejecting God’s Word.

It’s not just that they are foolish or that they are really trying to honor God but they keep falling on their face. No, they know what is right, and they could choose to submit, but they willfully go a different way.

The Bible consistently warns that this is a very dangerous place to be. “Take care, brethren, that there not be in any one of you an evil, unbelieving heart that falls away from the living God. But encourage one another day after day, as long as it is still called ‘Today,’ so that none of you will be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin” (Heb 3:12–13). Those verses warn that when a professing Christian willfully rejects God’s authority, his heart grows hard against God’s truth and God’s will. And when you consistently reject God’s authority, you begin to believe he is not there, even if you never verbalize it. So, willful disobedience is incredibly dangerous. As a result…

What do they need? Paul says these professing Christians need to be “admonished.” In other words, they need to be confronted and told they are disobeying God, and he is not pleased. We must take an aggressive approach so that they are not further “hardened by the deceitfulness of sin.”

We can’t let it go or ignore the issue. Love demands that we confront it. And we may need to up the pressure depending on the situation. Apparently, some of the unruly people in Thessalonica did not respond to correction; therefore, notice in 2 Thessalonians 3:6, 14–15 what Paul ultimately commanded the church to do (read).

Most people in our day won’t stomach what Paul commands. They claim it as judgmental and intrusive. They believe that love equals unqualified acceptance. But the Bible says that if someone is tiptoeing on the precipice of hell, love demands aggressive action.

^“Have mercy on some, who are doubting; save others, snatching them out of the fire; and on some have mercy with fear, hating even the garment polluted by the flesh” (Jude 22–23). If someone is falling into a fire, you don’t give them space or worry about their comfort. You go after them.

Of course, everything we do should be bathed in love and humility, and the final command is “be patient with everyone.” So, we should never be harsh or unloving in how we admonish because the goal is restoration. We love this person.

Therefore, if you are tempted to admonish out of frustration, embarrassment, or anger, you better get your heart right or leave it to someone else. But that said, urgent threats demand an urgent response.

So, if you are willfully tolerating sin in your life, please repent. Do not be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin. No, confess it to the Lord, and ask him for grace to change. If you need help digging out of a hole, please ask. We would love to come alongside you and help you change.

And if you know about unruliness in fellow Christian, please love them enough to confront their sin. Do not selfishly turn a blind eye, and don’t make excuses about how busy you are or how unequipped you are. If you don’t know what to say or can’t say it well, then bring someone alone who can. But whatever you do, do not ignore willful rebellion. Love your brother enough to give him the love he needs. 2^nd…

III.  Encourage the fainthearted.

Who are they? Other translations say this person is “discouraged,” “disheartened,” or even “timid.” The Greek term is oligopsuchos. Interestingly, Aristotle used the antonym megalopsuchos to describe the ideal man who is strong, confident, and self-sufficient. The Greeks despised weakness.

But in a fallen world, we all get discouraged and disheartened. And it doesn’t necessarily mean you are a wimp. No, many of the Thessalonians were probably slaves, and others were lived every day under the pressure of unbelieving family members and employers. They endured constant, harsh pressure for their faith. That will wear on anyone. As well, many Christians fight the same sin year after year. They hate it, but they keep struggling. And when they fall, it’s terribly discouraging. They begin to believe, “What’s the use trying to fight? I give up.”

Sometimes we do the right thing, and life gets harder instead of easier. We begin to wonder, “Is Christ worth it?” Sometimes, we get discouraged in ministry. We share the gospel, or we pour into people, but they don’t respond, or they become hostile. You’re tempted to quit and to make sure no one ever hurts me like that again. Faintheartedness is a common threat to anyone striving to honor the Lord. So…

What do they need? God commands us to “encourage” them. I want to emphasize that this term encompasses more than merely cheering someone up. We live in such a trite society that very often our only solution to sorrow is a plastic happiness. Certainly, a good joke or a pep talk can often be very encouraging in the right time.

But this verb also includes comfort and consolation. Sometimes the fainthearted need us to walk with them through their grief and to reassure them that God is good and faithful.

Regardless, the main issue is that the fainthearted need a different approach from the unruly. The unruly require strong, firm, and direct confrontation, but the fainthearted are fragile, and strong admonishment might break them.

For example, Isaiah 42:3 says of Jesus, “A bruised read He will not break and a dimly burning wick He will not extinguish.” I like that because a strong breeze can turn a campfire into a forest fire, but it extinguishes a weak fire. Depending on the situation, the same word can bring life or death.

So, how do you know the difference? Fundamentally, you must ask questions, listen to answers, and observe body language and behavior long enough to discern, “Is this person unruly or fainthearted?” If you don’t take the time to listen and discern, you may prescribe the wrong treatment.

This is so important for parenting. Yes, you need to have objective standards and consistent consequences. “Foolishnessis bound up in the heart of a child; the rod of discipline will remove it far from him” (Prov 22:15). All children are all unruly at some level, and removing it requires discipline.

But parenting is not a wooden formula where the same process always brings the same result. It’s important that you listen, observe, and discern what is happening in a child’s heart, and what he or she needs right now.

And when you see discouragement in the heart of a child or in a fellow-Christian tailor your love to the needs of the moment. If you must rebuke, do so cautiously. Be careful about trying to lighten the mood with a joke. It may come across as uncaring or as dismissive of the weight of the moment.

Instead, acknowledge the pain because the fainthearted can’t ignore it. Bath everything in compassion. Avoid trite positivity and shallow Hallmark speak. Instead, quote Scripture, and rehearse foundational truths about God and the promises of Scripture. Give encouragement that meets the need of the moment. 3^rd…

IV.  Help the weak.

Who are they? The word “weak” can refer to a lot of issues—physical weakness, mental limitations, poverty, a weak conscience, or general spiritual weakness. Paul doesn’t specify what kind of weakness he has in mind, so we must be careful about making assumptions.

But considering the previous two conditions, I believe that he is primarily concerned with spiritual weakness. There’s a lot of these people in the church. They want to honor the Lord, but for various reasons, they are seriously disadvantaged in the pursuit of godliness.

Maybe they were raised in an abusive, ungodly environment that really polluted their thinking. Maybe they have a long-term addiction struggle that they despise but can’t seem to escape. Maybe they have some kind of mental disorder that doesn’t excuse sin but makes it much harder to overcome. They have an especially hard time managing their emotions, resisting impulses, and managing pressure.

By God’s grace, I’ve never had to endure any of those things. It’s easy for people like me to get impatient with the weak and to think, “Just stop it!” But it’s doing so is not nearly as easy for that person as it is for me. If we are going to care well for each other, it’s essential that we acknowledge these challenges. You may not fully understand someone else’s weakness, but you need to try. Then ask yourself…

What do they need? Paul says they need support. This could come in many forms. The basic point is that when I recognize weakness, I want to come alongside that person and help them carry a load they are struggling to bear.

I can do so by speaking words of encouragement, being a friend, providing accountability, giving practical helps, showing compassion and patience, and many other things.

Sometimes, support means not allowing the weak to use his weakness to dismiss his sin or as an excuse not to pursue change. Satan frequently uses the victim mentality of our society to enable believers to grow lazy or comfortable in disobedience. Obviously, you must take a gentle approach with the weak, but sometimes they need to be pushed. Through Christ, they may not be nearly as weak as they think they are.

It simply depends on the situation. The point once again is that instead of making quick assumptions, I need to listen and discern what is going on. When I recognize weakness, I must tailor my love to the need of the moment.

Something else I must add is that all of us are weak to some extent, and we all need the support of the church. The Christian life is too hard to do it on your own. “And let us consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds, not forsaking our own assembling together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another; and all the more as you see the day drawing near” (Heb 10:24–25). We’re all stronger together; therefore, we all need to support those around us and lean into the support of the church. 4^th…

V.  Be patient with everyone.

Who are they? It’s everyone. We’re all sinners, and we all have problems and do dumb stuff.

What do they need? We all require patience. Of course, patience is one of the fruits of the Spirit. If I am walking in the Spirit, I will be a cushion of grace for the failures of my brothers and sisters. I will absorb their struggles and stay long to help them change.

This is so important because all of us probably lean either toward getting irritable and harsh toward people’s struggles or toward throwing our hands up and becoming apathetic. We’re either going to give them a piece of our mind or distance ourselves from the problem and let it persist. Your impulse may even vary depending on the relationship.

Love won’t accept either option. Love moves toward the person laser-focused on the good of his soul, and love stays long in the struggle because people matter and because there is always hope in the power of the gospel for real change to take place. So, be patient with all.

VI.  Conclusions

Don’t forget the gospel. I bring this up because some of you have had a specific relationship on your mind for the last 40 minutes, and you have been making one of two excuses. One is, “This person will never change, so what is the use?” The other excuse is, “This is too hard. I can’t love like this, and I can’t endure the hurt and disappointment that often follows this kind of investment.” You may very well get hurt. This week I came across a simple quote by C. S. Lewis, “To love at all is to be vulnerable.”

For these reasons, unbelievers rarely live our text. “It’s hopeless, and I can’t take it.” But gospel power changes everything. There is always hope for a Christian to change. In fact, every Christian will one day be glorified. So, we pursue them with confidence in the Spirit.

And through Christ, I can endure the pain of loving people and investing in their lives. Christ endures my stupidity, so how can I abandon someone else? He is enough to sustain you through the vulnerability of relationships.

So, the world rarely even tries to live our text. And it may appear strange to them when we do. But through Christ we can truly love one another. And when we live this verse, all men will know that you are My disciples.”

Cultivate intentional awareness of the body. If you are going to discern people’s hearts and needs, you must know them well. You will never fulfill this verse if you are not investing in significant relationships and working to know and understand people. So, love people, invest time in people, ask thoughtful questions. Cultivate intentional awareness of the body.

Tailor your love to the needs of each person. I big part of this is not just awareness of others but awareness of yourself. Am I naturally sarcastic and harsh? Do I tend to overstate things, or do I tend to understate them? Do I enjoy conflict, or do I avoid conflict? If I understand myself, and I can intentionally adjust to the need of the moment. It’s work, but people matter, so push yourself to be best version of yourself in each situation.

Do hard things because eternity is at stake. This kind of ministry is oftentimes very hard. I don’t know how many times I’ve picked up the phone or rang or doorbell and feeling like I was putting my neck in a guillotine. Thankfully, it rarely turns out that bad, and often God does incredible things.

But people ministry is risky, and if you let fear control you, you won’t make much of an impact. Yet people matter. Think again about the commands of Jude 23, “Save others, snatching them out of the fire; and on some have mercy with fear, hating even the garment polluted by the flesh.” If someone is falling into a fire, and I am more worried about the fact that they might yell at me than I am about the fire, that’s a problem. Yes, some of this hard, but God is sufficient, and people matter, so be courageous and do hard things.

As we do, we will love one another well, and we will show the world that we are Christ’s disciples.